We Shall Overcome
It is starting to be better.

After that first morning, when I walked outside and sunk into a brilliant day of silent streets, it began. Iced with smooth aqua, the city gleamed in the cold air. In place of the nearly tangible tension of the day before, the streets were silent. Everything was low whispers, dry leaves grating on the asphalt in the bitter wind. Then the faces: the red-rimmed eyes, the channels left by night-old tears, the mouths like closed doors. There was comfort in their sadness, bcause we had all been bit players in a failed revolution, and the comfort was the all.

Last night I laughed freely with one who before had filled me with deep-dug bitterness. Love and openness are stronger than we think.

It is starting to be better. In church today, we were told that no story, either of victory or defeat, is final. That despite our frustration, our path still lies before us, unaltered, and we are never done. That victory often breeds hate, because the losers dwell in bitterness, but that we must cling to love, though it be unfashionable. That we can learn to look at those who disagree with us, even those who would hurt us, and see the same human hearts, beating, the same wind filling all our lungs.

"The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

Those were the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. Before him, they belonged to Theodore Parker, a Unitarian minister. He was speaking in hope of the abolition of slavery. Thinking on those times, how can we not see the truth of those words? How can we not see that the liberal voices of the world are the ones that still echo the truths of history?

Enough with the cheesiness; how 'bout a joke?


It's scary but true.

A New Day Will Come
Tolkien on hope:

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -Gimli, II:3

'Far above the Ephel D?ath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.'

"Let us remember that a traitor may betray himself and do good that he does not intend. It can be so, sometimes."
-Gandalf

'Suddenly, caught by the level beams, Frodo saw the old [stone] king's head: it was lying rolled away by the roadside. "Look Sam!" he cried, startled into speech. "Look! The king has got a crown again!"
The eyes were hollow and the carven beard was broken, but about the high stern forehead there was a coronal of silver and gold. A trailing plant with flowers like small white stars had bound itself across the brows as if in reverence for the fallen king, and in the crevices of his stony yellow hair yellow stonecrop gleamed.
"They cannot conquer forever!" said Frodo. And then suddenly the brief glimpse was gone. The Sun dipped and vanished, and as if at the shuttering of a lamp, black night fell.'
(IV:6)

"The War is not over (and the one that is, or the part of it, has been largely lost). But it is of course wrong to fall into such a mood, for Wars are always lost, and War always goes on; and it is no good growing faint."
~ Tolkien, on the end of WWII

"Ours is but a small matter in the great deeds of this time."
-Aragorn

"Other evils there are that may come; for Sauron is himself but a servant or emissary. Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule."
-Gandalf, V:9

Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the day is done,
nor bid the stars farewell.
-Sam, VI:1

The polls are tied tighter than the knots in our stomachs. I want desperately to be optimistic, but I just feel that Bush has too much power to let this get away from him if the election is even remotely close. The only chance I believe Kerry has (and it is not as unlikely as one might think) is winning by a large enough margin that large-scale litigations become moot. The Supreme Court belongs to Bush, and if it comes to that again, we will surely have our first President who served eight years without ever being elected. It's possible no definitive result will emerge until after the would-be inauguration, which I find ridiculous. The electoral college has to go, and a consistent way of recording and counting votes must be found. The fact that an election could conceivably last several months is the clearest sign I can think of that our system is a mess. Enough ranting. Let us now hope.

The weather here is gloooomy. It makes the fall leaves strand out even more. I'm excited about the election, Halloween, and November in general. Today my friends and I went to the Salvation Army to buy costumes. Claudia is going to be Sherlock Holmes and recruited me to be Dr. Watson. I'm not sure how convincing we're going to be in said roles (crossdressing again...hmm...), but it sounded fun!

John Kerry is going to win. I can feel it.

Hobbits Lived!
All the major papers are talking about this, but at BBC News, the headline actually uses the nickname "hobbit" to describe the 3-and-a-half-foot human species that lived on an Indonesian island of Flores 13,000 yeaars ago. For those non-anthro majors out there, this was about the time that the Americas were first being settled. All previous hominid species had been thought to have been extinct for millennia. I'm not sure if this is for real -- it's a huge shock after my human evolution class! Very cool.

Things I miss about home:
1. The people
2. My dog (I dreamt about him last night)
3. Tivo
4. Free time
5. Little holiday feelings that my subconcious has arbitrarily attached to things
6. Restaurants
7. Driving (woah...)
8. Having a single

Things I don't miss about home:
1. Lack of fall
2. Being stuck in a little room when I want to go online
3. Not being with my college friends
4. Feeling like I should be doing something productive but not
5. No gym
6. Having to drive to get anywhere

Can't decide if I should major in Anthro or Archaeo... I love these non-dilemmas.

I love the Peabody.

I must remember to take my camera wherever I go.

One more week until the election! Bush's incompetent war is coming back to bite him.

My Mood is the New Swing State...
This afternoon I was really depressed, stressed, and frustrated. Now I feel better, mostly because I finished the larger of tow midterm essays and have decide I have time to do the second tomorrow. I was so upset because this entire month I have felt like I'm drowning in work, which I can't fully enjoy because I don't have time to really soak it up. Then there's the looming spectre of the election, and then there are a host of personal issues weighing on me, some of which I thought were done with. I feel like I haven't been able to enjoy life compared to last year, when I did fun things all the time and could afford to hang out with my friends without feeling guilty. I don't even have that many activities that I do anymore. I'm taking a hiatus from climate, frequently skipping tai chi, ignoring church, etc.

Kate's dad advised me that work fills the time allotted, so I was actually setting aside too much time (if that makes sense) to do my midterm, making my work very sporadic, painful, prone to distraction, and drawn-out. I ignored the paper all day and did it in one burst at night, which was a much better way to do it.

I am still worried that I'm not enjoying things enough, though. It's way too early for me to be waiting for Christmas, but I am. Sometimes I'm really happy and five minuts later I want to die. This morning when I awoke, I pondered the repurcussions of just staying in bed all day long. I didn't want to get up. Part of that comes from horrible insomnia. Almost every night it takes me almost two hours to fall asleep. At first I blamed increased caffeine consumption, but I cut that and it didn't get better. I think it's from my anxiety, but it just compounds it.

Oh well. I'll pull through.

Another wasted half hour...
Mood:  irritated
I hate Sterling Memorial Library.

Notwithstanding that it one of the most majestic buildings on campus; regardless of the fact that is my favorite place to study; as a library (ie, for checking out actual books) it is worthless.

Three times I have tried to get a book from there and three times it hasn't been where it's supposed to be. I never have this problem at the Kline science library. Grrrr.